


I'm yours

by deathlypassion96



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Cheating Harry, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Possible Character Death, Post-Hogwarts, Smut, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-31 23:23:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathlypassion96/pseuds/deathlypassion96
Summary: The Hogwart's reunion was sure to be a disaster. Harry had battled with his nerves all day but Ginny was insistent that they go. Why on earth she wanted him to go to it was beyond him considering they were in different years at Hogwarts but of course if Ron and Hermione were going, why wouldn't he want to go? Why wouldn't he want to be in a crowded room with the love of his life and his wife?





	I'm yours

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published work! I hope you enjoy. Please feel free to leave any constructive criticism.

The Hogwart's reunion was sure to be a disaster. Harry had battled with his nerves all day but Ginny was insistent that they go. Why on earth she wanted him to go to it was beyond him considering they were in different years at Hogwarts but of course if Ron and Hermione were going, why wouldn't he want to go? Why wouldn't he want to be in a crowded room with the love of his life and his wife? Why wouldn't he want to ignore the only person who ever made him feel at home all evening and make small talk with the mother of his child? He knew how Draco struggled with his emotions and even Ginny being mentioned set him into a fit of rage. Merlin only knew how Draco would cope with seeing her and Harry together all evening whilst Harry continued the facade of the school boy feud.   
  
Harry knew what he was doing was so wrong but he was stuck. Stuck between being happy and being what everyone expected. The chosen one had taken his childhood sweetheart as his wife, had a child and started his career as an auror but after 6 long years, he was tired. Any spark that had been there between Ginny and Harry had long died and Harry had began drinking. Not much at first, just a pint after work but he soon fell into a rut and with Ginny spending her every breathing moment at the burrow with their son James, he had no one. Many nights were lost in the leaky cauldron looking for an answer at the bottom of a bottle whilst the thought of having to crawl into the same bed as Ginny only drove him further into the bottle.Until he met Draco again.

 

 _When Draco had approached him in the pub, dread and infuriation had almost consumed him and stopped him noticing the strange expression on the pale face. It wasn't the usual sneer or smirk or gloating expression that he had so often wanted to pummel. No, this was different.. but he couldn't quite fathom it._   
  
_"Harry, I..." Draco had barely begun before Harry had halted him to avoid any more conflict on an already hellish night._   
  
_"Look Malfoy, we're not in school anymore. I'm done with all the bullshit. All of it! I'm so fucking tired of the past and right now, you are not what I need so kindly, please just don't."_   
  
_The emotion he had been smothering inside him threatened to explode into the air and the tears stung his eyes. He would not cry in front of him. He would not. Turning his back to his former high school enemy, tremors rippled up and down his spine when a hand made contact with his shoulder gently._   
_  
_ "Can we please just talk? I have a lot to say and I don't expect you to talk back, only listen. Please, Harry... I can't move on from the war and I need to do this. Let me do this." Draco stumbled over his words and the complete shock of seeing someone who was always so calm and controlled with their emotions crumble in front of him made Harry reconsider. He would hear Malfoy out and then put it all behind them and Malfoy could move on.

 

And move on from that night he did. After all was said and done, Harry parted ways with Draco for another miserable two years until another chance meeting in The Leaky cauldron but he didn't want to think of that night. He'd had far too much to drink and behaved less than admirably.

 

Draco saved him. A glimmer of light in a blackout. Harry's life had never been the same since but 4 years later and he still couldn't face leaving his wife and his child and he was selfish, he knew. Draco balanced him and made life easy despite Harry not being able to give him his all. It wasn't just Ginny he'd be leaving, it would be all of the Weasleys. His family. His best friends.  How would Ron react to his best friend leaving his sister for a man who tormented and bullied his wife? If only they could see how happy he made him and how much he'd changed. Any traces of pureblood prejudices that he had been trained in had vanished over the years and a man replaced the child who was so cruel in school.  
  
"Harry, we'll be late if we don't leave now." Ginny nagged, bringing him to the very real present, as she linked arms with him, waiting to apparate.   


Draco knocked back another rum in the hopes that it would anaesthetize him in preparation for the evening ahead.

 

“You should slow down Draco or you'll be drunk before we get there,” giggled Pansy, Draco's date for this evening.

 

He couldn't turn up to the reunion alone and Pansy couldn't go with the muggle lover she had taken, in secret from her family of course and so it was a mutually beneficial agreement to go together. Bitter consumed him at the justification of not going alone. He wouldn't have to go alone if it wasn't for Ginny fucking Weasley. The mere thought of that woman riled Draco more than he would ever admit but she was the one living with Harry. She was the one who got into the same bed as him every night. He wouldn't have been able to stand the thought of them sleeping together but he trusted Harry when he said they weren't and hadn't for years. All the more reason to leave the bitch in Draco's opinion.

 

He was tired. So tired. Tired of hearing Harry explain himself time and time again, tired of letting his emotions get the better of him and force Harry to explain himself again. He was tired of not being enough and even though he knew this wasn't strictly true, he couldn't help but feel second best to the she weasel and he was riddled with anxiety about how this evening would go down. Could he really stand watching her touch his man and everyone fawn over the happy couple? Time would tell.

 

He understood to a degree the situation that Harry was in but Draco was offering him everything and he wanted everything back. He had always been an all or nothing type of man and couldn't imagine settling for anything less before Harry. Hell, he had made it clear that Harry's son would not be an issue in the relationship which was a big commitment to Draco. He had no children of his own yet but he so desperately wanted a family of his own. A family with Harry.

 

Knocking back one last rum, he met Pansy in the hallway and together, they walked out into the cold, chaotic night.

 

The great hall was spectacular as always. The ceiling reflected the unusually bitter, July night’s sky but the floating candles lit up the room beautifully. In place of the four house tables that Harry had eaten many a meal at, was a glimmering dance floor framed by chairs and tables. They had arrived only 15 minutes after the invitation start time and the hall seemed much more larger than he remembered only filled with 20 or so people. Ginny made a bee line straight for her brother and Hermione, Harry followed her lead glancing around the hall nervously and almost let out a sigh of relief before he locked eyes with a cool, grey pair that he had spent so many nights gazing into. Draco was already here and with Pansy no less. He chuckled to himself, thinking about how the ice queen of Slytherin was also leading a double life and tore his eyes away from Draco's before it was too hard. All he wanted to do was be at his side, holding his hand and listening to that smooth voice he so desperately enjoyed but a hard slap on the back from his best friend brought him spiralling back into the great hall.

 

“Nice to see you made it mate! You'll never guess who Luna has turned up with!” Ron growled the last part. At first Harry couldn't work out why Ron would give a shit who Luna would be here with but upon seeing her on Blaise Zabini’s arm, he almost choked. Zabini would have been Harry’s last guess and the daunting realisation that staying away from Draco was going to be almost impossible, hit Harry hard. Already Luna was beckoning them to join her on the other side of the hall. Desperately, he looked at Hermione and Ginny who would surely object to being around the Slytherins but with an indignant tut, both women strutted directly over. Ron shrugged and followed his wife and sister and Harry had no choice. With every step towards the growing group, Harry's heart sank more and his shoes had never looked so interesting. Fuck.

 

If his heart beat any faster, it would come straight out of his chest and land on Harry's lap. He could have punched Blaise when he saw him enter with Lovegood. Draco knew his so called best friend had orchestrated this whole scene on purpose. He, of course, knew about Harry and Draco as Draco had confided in him during his darkest times and it was no secret that Blaise longed for the she weasel. He should have fucking expected this! Of course, bringing one of _their_ friends to the reunion would ensure that the two groups would be forced together for the evening and Blaise would sit back, enjoy the fireworks and reap the benefits of the aftermath. Draco shot Blaise a look of pure venom across the table, conveying that he knew what Blaise was up to and that he didn't approve. The dark, worry free eyes twinkled as Blaise chuckled and ever so slightly, gestured over to Ginny, who was now absent mindedly stroking Harry's tense arm as she gushed to Granger about something which was no doubt fucking fascinating. His glare travelled up to Harry's face which to anyone who didn't know him, appeared to be slightly amused at whatever his friend was talking about but Draco could see the strained lines forming around his mouth and the way his eyes darted constantly around the group. His knuckles became whiter as he held onto the his glass the same way a mother would a child in danger. Inside him, Draco could feel the anger brewing and bubbling. He was furious.

 

Harry waited until the women excused themselves to go the bathroom together before he slipped outside into the fresh air for a secret smoke. He didn't smoke regularly and merlin forbid Hermione found out or even Ginny but when he was stressed, it calmed him and he always kept a spare packet on him at all times. Exhaling deeply, he looked into the starry night and wondered how his life had gotten to this stage. He knew the time was coming closer where he would have to make a final decision but the thought made him feel physically sick. He thought about his best friend inside, currently arguing lightly with seamus and Dean about quidditch. No greater care in the world. Sure, he and Hermione had their falling outs but they loved each other deeply and unconditionally. He wondered if Ginny was even having the same thoughts that he was. Did she still love him the way she first thought she did? Was she sleeping with another man behind his back? Did he care?

 

 _“I thought I'd find you out here.”_ A cold voice drawled _._ Draco.

 

Spinning around, Harry eyed Draco carefully. The last thing either of them needed right now was an argument but the threat of one loomed over them both.

 

 _“Draco, please..”_ He began tentatively but the storm brooding in those troubled grey eyes told him it was too late to try to calm his lover.

 

 _“Please?! Please?! Please what Harry? Please ignore my bitch of a wife, who I don't love, touching me all night? Please act as though you still hate me? What the fuck down you want from me?!”_ Venom laced words spat out at Harry as Draco began to physically shake.

 

Harry couldn't even open his mouth before Draco began again;

 

 _“Tell me Harry, how would you feel if I had some bimbo wrapped around me tonight? Would it bother you in the slightest? Or is this all just a game? You_ **_have_ ** _to stop fucking with me. Why can't I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I want to say that I'm in love, I want to shout it from the rooftops. Please Harry. Grow a set and make a fucking decision because I cannot do this anymore. It's all or nothing.”_ The anger cracked and the raw emotion coming from someone he loved so dearly flooded Harry’s heart with those last few sentences.

 

Again, he wasn't given the chance to reply when Draco turned and left Harry to watch the man he’d broken return to the castle. A weak and pathetic attempt to call him back barely escaped Harry's lips as he slumped to the ground, his legs failing him.

 

“ _Harry?”_ A soft voice whispered from the shadows. Hermione. Shit. He prayed with every fibre of his being that she hadn't heard everything but with his luck? Fat chance. He put his elbows on his knees and his face in his palms. A feeling of pure devastation threatened to leak from his tired eyes and the petite arm that wrapped around him as Hermione sat down beside him didn't help in fighting the notion to cry.

 

 _“I never intended for it to get like this ‘Mione. I, I really didn't,”_ He struggled, unable to look at her. _“I don't want to be the bad guy.”_

 

Squeezing his shoulder gently, she sighed and waited for him to meet her eyes. As soon as he did, the pain leaked from his eyes, staining his cheeks.

 

 _“I know Harry but merlin, what a mess. You're going to need to come to some sort of decision.”_ She spoke softly, no sign of nagging in her voice. It was very un-hermoine. Not that she wasn't a good friend or reasonable but this was her best friend and her husband’s sister that he was messing around. God, he hated himself.

 

_“I'll make your excuses for you Harry, go where you need to go but promise you won't keep this going longer than necessary. Please?”_

 

 _“I promise ‘Mione, thank you. I really am..”_ He began to say but she shook her head, kissed his cheek and sent him on his way. 12 Grimmauld Place was the only place he wanted to be right now. Knowing the Ginny would go to Ron and Hermione's after the reunion, he wouldn't have to make up any unnecessary lies other than he left early and went home due to a headache which wasn't completely untrue. He just wouldn't be going home yet.

 

Draco drummed his fingers against his glass, surveying the room absentmindedly. A sharp pinch under the table alerted him of his behaviour and Pansy’s disapproval to his less than pureblood front. Dipping his head, silently apologising, he whispered a half arsed excuse and smiled politely around the table before standing and leaving. With any luck, he'd reach the Apparition point before vomiting. A million memories, a million strokes, a million breathes rampaged through his mind and made him feel dizzy. He had always known, despite hoping, that the time would come when Harry would leave him no choice but to deliver an ultimatum and although a huge weight had been lifted from upon him, it left him feeling empty. What if he chose Ginny? What if he left him? Could he go back to a life in which Harry Potter, _his_ chosen one, didn't exist? It had only been a short four years he'd been with Harry but it felt like a lifetime. After their initial meeting after the war, about 6 years ago when Harry had listened and accepted his apology but rejected any form of friendship - it had stung just as much as the rejection of his hand when they were 11 years old. He had given up hope of any connection to Harry; Something he'd longed for almost all of his life. However, Harry had reached out to him a couple of years later: A total coincidence that they were in the same place at the same time but Harry was the one to approach Draco nonetheless and his world had crashed, soared, broken, mended and shifted in the years that followed. Harry was his world and he'd be damned if that tart was walking away with it.

 

He was able to apparate straight through the wards and protections guarding Grimmauld Place as that's where him and Harry had initially enjoyed each other's company until Harry was comfortable going to Malfoy Manor again. He winced at the thought of Harry having to relive the trauma he and his friends had suffered there every time he came to visit but Harry's resilience and courage were two things that Draco admired in his lover. Grimmauld Place was silent and a quick charm showed that he was alone. Harry must have detoured because Draco would bet his gringotts vault on him coming here rather than going home tonight. He would wait. It wasn't like he had anyone at home waiting on him. _Psht._

 

Settling in the dining room, he sat back and his mind drifted lazily to the night that changed everything.

 

 _Draco eyed the bar carefully. The leaky cauldron was and never would be his first choice to unwind after a long day's work but it was quiet and it was unlikely that he'd stumble on any aggravation. He ordered 3 firewhiskeys so as not to have to go back in a hurry and cast a privacy charm around him; he was in no mood to be disturbed tonight after a horrendous day in the brewing lab with his new, useless apprentice. Running his hand through his hair, he groaned at the thought of being stuck with the idiot for 6 months. Hopefully tomorrow would come and go with less burns and violent urges._   
  
_Boisterous laughter in an otherwise silent corner of the pub drew Draco's attention to the owners of said laughter. Well, well, well. There was two faces he hadn't seen in years but one caught his attention and sparked an uneasy feeling in his stomach. A perfectly chiseled jaw, piercing green eyes and messy black hair to frame. The man lifted his arm to mess his hair, revealing muscular biceps and allowed Draco to gaze at the toned body beneath the now, tight shirt. A heat was rising in Draco's neck to his cheeks as he pondered how Harry Potter had become quite so delicious looking. A roaring beast was awoken from a long slumber in the pit of his stomach when Harry smiled and laughed once more._   
  
_Shaking his head, he returned to gazing around the bar, hoping that something else would capture his attention but his eyes returned to Harry at every opportunity. He couldn't shake the raw attraction to a man who he'd, in what seemed like another life now, resented and if he was quite honest with himself, took every opportunity to mock and embarrass.  Of course, they had put it all behind them 2 years ago but the sting of rejection jolted his stomach. It wasn't as if he hadn't been attracted to or fucked other men before, but it was peculiar to him that he would feel such a burning, longing for Harry Potter. Knocking back his third firewhiskey, he continued to watch him. He'd grown into himself in all the right ways and Draco found himself wondering what it would feel like to finally have the chosen one not only acknowledge him for the person he was, but to feel him and have him obey his every command. The thought of Harry begging for his cock led to a tightening of his trousers around his groin. He rearranged himself discreetly and headed to the bar despite the fact that he should probably just call it a night._   
  
_Draco was almost at the bar when Harry rose from his seat, teetering slightly from one too many firewhiskeys Draco assumed and heading straight for him. Any and all moisture in Draco's mouth dried instantly as he locked eyes with a grinning Harry who was now right in front of him. The dormant beast inside him roared once more when Harry propped himself against the bar beside him._   
  
_"Long time, no see Malfoy," Harry chuckled, never breaking the eye contact. "Hasn't stopped you from gawking at me all night though, eh?"_   
  
_Draco eyed the drunk man beside him carefully and fought the overwhelming need to get defensive about the accusation flung so obnoxiously at him. This was a different man he was dealing with and Draco had no idea what course of action was in his best interests right now._   
  
_"Hmm, indeed Potter. Too long I'd say." The firewhiskey fueled his confidence to go along with Harry for the moment but he was still on guard. Should the possible flirting take a different direction, he was prepared. Harry Potter would not make a fool of him again. That much was sure._   
  
_"Tom, you don't happen to have somewhere private that I could discuss some business with Mr Malfoy, do you?" Harry directed towards the  barman._   
  
_"Of course Mr Potter. Just upstairs to the left Mr Potter."_   
_  
_ The charm of being the chosen one hadn't worn off after all these years obviously. Draco choked the snort he felt coming and followed Harry's beckoning hand. What was he up to?

 

 _The room was much like the rest of the pub: dark, dingy and gathering dust. It appeared to be a storage room filled with broken tables and chairs and was lit only by the moon's bright glare through the large window on the opposite end. When Draco entered, Harry was already leaning against the window, arms crossed in front of him. He shut the door behind him and heard the click of the lock. Harry winked at him when Draco raised his eyebrows, silently questioning the lock. Wandless magic. Of course._   
  
_"So, what business do you have with me Potter?" He asked, clearing his throat in the process._   
  
_"Strip." Harry demanded, very matter-of-factly._   
  
_"Excuse you?" Draco almost choked._   
  
_"Strip." He repeated in the same tone, sizing Draco with his eyes. "Strip and I'll make you feel better than any man or woman ever has."_   
  
_He remained still, staring at Harry, waiting for the catch. "That's not how this is going to work Potter."_   
  
_Try as he might, his dry mouth would not allow him to match Harry's tone. The other man uncrossed his arms and leant on them against the windowsill behind him. Smirking, he appeared to be contemplating what Draco said. Draco's belt unfastened and hit the floor with a thud._   
  
_"Let's agree to disagree. Now, you can either remove the rest of your clothes or I will Draco. Don't speak again until I tell you to." His voice was laced with lust but firm at the same time. Draco's rapidly hardening cock twitched when Harry said his name. This was unfamiliar territory for him. He wasn't told what to do, he told his partners what to do and yet he wanted to please Harry. He wanted to be told what to do._   
  
_After a moments hesitation, he unbuttoned his crisp, white shirt and let it fall to the floor. Harry's eyes widened, drinking all of Draco in, murmuring softly. He slipped a thumb beneath his waistband and unbuttoned his trousers, revealing his large bulge as he stepped out of them. He was not the only one with a hard cock he acknowledged, undressing Harry with his eyes, he could already see Harry's arousal through his trousers._   
  
_"Now come here." Harry's voice was still firm but he could not hide the desire in his eyes. Draco submitted to the desire and lust he felt for Harry and ultimately, to Harry himself. Draco reached to lift Harry's shirt once he was in front of him, stripped to his boxers but was thwarted by Harry's hand._   
  
_"Now, now Draco. Where are your manners?"_   
  
_"Can I touch you?" Draco asked almost immediately but he had no idea where it came from. Naturally, he was not submissive and yet submitting to Harry was the most natural thing in the world. The shock of current events had obviously reached his face, Harry chuckled and nodded, licking his lips. Draco ripped the belt from Harry's trousers and undressed him considerably faster than he'd undressed himself, admiring Harry's flawlessly, flawed body. Mesmerised, he traced the scars from old wounds across Harry's body with his finger before Harry extended his hand and pulled Draco closer, removing his boxers as he did._   
  
_He could feel Harry's hot breath in his face and hear his pulse racing. He wanted - no, needed - to feel Harry's lips on his. A groan escaped his lips when Harry stroked his painfully hard cock. His parted lips were soon filled with Harry's as their tongues danced together, invading each others mouths. Hands grabbed and pulled as both men got lost in each other. Draco pushed his cock against Harry's and took great pleasure in the growl that filled his mouth._   
  
_Moving slowly down Draco's body, Harry smothered him with light kisses and nibbles until he was on his knees, admiring the exquisite length in front of him. Watching with greedy eyes, Draco was almost wincing with anticipation. He licked the length of his shaft and circled the tip with his tongue, repeating and watching Draco's eyes light up with fire. He groaned with frustration and Harry pulled back._   
  
_"Beg," Harry commanded, "Beg me to suck your cock."_   
  
_"Please!" Draco cried out, thrusting towards Harry. "Please Harry!"_   


_Harry obliged, taking his cock deep in his throat, beginning to move his mouth up and down differentiating in pace.  Draco threw his head back and thrust once more into Harry's mouth. Merlin, this was fucking amazing. Harry had a way with his tongue that drove him wild. Wiping the sweat forming on his forehead, he gazed down at Harry, who was now stroking his own cock whilst pleasuring Draco. Almost instantly upon seeing this, he felt himself losing it. He ran his hand through the messy, dark hair and stammered a warning before emptying himself into Harry's mouth, crying out as he did. Harry sucked and swallowed every drop of Draco, who was now weak at the knees. It had been so long since he had cum like that._   
  
_Harry wasted no time in rising and pushing Draco against the window. Draco had to steady himself against the window with his hands as Harry edged his legs open with his feet, warm breath tickling his neck from the now panting Harry. A warm, sticky sensation filled Draco as Harry pushed himself inside of Draco. Burning pain soared through him and escaped his mouth as the daunting realisation that this was his first time being fucked like this hit both of them. Harry retreated slightly and allowed Draco to familiarise himself with the sensation of Harry just inside of him. After a few moments, Harry thrust forward slightly until Draco's painful winces became pleasure filled moans. He liked the feeling of Harry inside of him and wanted more, he wanted all of Harry inside him.  He didn't want for long as Harry thrust hard and fast, maintaining a hard grip on Draco's hips._   
_  
_ Draco felt himself hardening again, the sound of Harry's moans was like music to his ears. Arching his back, he thrust backwards into Harry's cock and tipped him over the edge. Harry was drowning in Draco and Draco was drowning in Harry. Both men became one, Harry crying out and grabbing for Draco's cock as they both ejaculated and collapsed; a sweaty tangle of bodies beneath the window.

 

A distant click of a door brought Draco back to reality as he steadied himself on the swaying chair. He didn't know how long he'd been waiting but he was now realising that he should have spent this time thinking about what to say to Harry instead of replaying sordid memories. Straightening in his seat, he waited and listened as Harry staggered up the hallway. The bastard was drunk by the sounds of it. Saint fucking Potter. The door opened uneasily with the weight of the body barging through it. Harry stopped instantly when he saw Draco sitting in the dimly lit room and hiccoughed once.

 

 _“_ I see you've let yourself in Malfoy.” Slurring he leant against the wall and crossed his arms defensively. “Why?”   


Rage brewed inside his core and threatened to find release through pure bile. Swallowing carefully, he eyed the man in front of him. A man he loved with every fibre of his being. A man who had the audacity to stand there and call him by his last name as if they were simply acquaintances. He was not fucking on.

 

“Malfoy?” He cried incredulously, trying desperately not to screech. “Fucking Malfoy? Is that what we're back to? Well listen here Potter. I love you. Yes, I'm in love with the great fucking Harry cunting Potter. You're my chosen one! Always have been, always will be. But I'm not yours. You say you love me and yet, you remain with that whore! Did you know she was fucking Seamus on the side Harry?”

 

The last words spat out of his mouth before he could reel them back in and the realisation creeped onto Harry's face as he remained there standing, just watching him.

 

“I'm leaving Ginny, Draco but I..,” Harry's voice trembled as he struggled to maintain eye contact, “I can't do this anymore. I can't be the man that you need me to be. I love you D, but it's not enough is it? Look what I've done to you? You deserve better.”

 

Stunned silence fell over the broken men as they processed what the night had become. Harry's head bowed slowly as sobriety submerged him. Draco's mind raced with words, and yet he could not have formed a coherent sentence if his life depended on it. He'd always imagined the day he'd hear that Harry was leaving Ginny but never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that it would feel so gut wrenchingly sickening.

 

“Let yourself out.” Harry murmured softly and disappeared, leaving Draco to swallow the bittersweet taste of his dreams come true.

 

Days passed like months. Draco was entirely lost. How had this happened? How could this have happened? He had imagined the day Harry would leave Ginny for months, down to the exact moment. He'd replayed the conversation over in his head countless times. He'd fallen asleep with a smile on his face thinking about it on many nights. Harry was his. And yet, he was not. With every fibre of his being, he wanted Harry. He wanted stolen midnight kisses and sleepy morning hugs. He wanted to argue about fabric and interior design. He wanted to build a life. He wanted to raise children of their own with names he couldn't stand but would come to love. He wanted Harry.

 

The ceiling had never been so boring than in the hours Draco spent gazing at it from his bed, hoping that he'd wake up tomorrow and it would be 8 days ago and he'd be the anxiety filled mess before the reunion. Every night crawled into the next day with hopeless disappointment and reality. To make matters worse, he would need to return to work tomorrow; as much as he craved to, he could not shut himself away from the world forever.

 

At what point is enough? At what point do we slip through the cracks of the universe, never to surface again? At what point do we just stop: stop feeling, stop caring, stop loving - just stop?

 

Grimmauld Place was a shadow of it’s former sanctuary. Once a place of much desired rest and silence now haunted him with nothing but silence and rest evaded him - a constant reminder of the loneliness that consumed his shattered heart. How could he rest when most nights he could feel his own heart struggling to beat. Not only had he shattered his own heart but that of those he loved most dearest in the world. Draco. The Weasleys.

 

He couldn't bare the thought of Mrs Weasley trying to comfort Ginny at the burrow. He couldn't bare the thought of Draco distraught. He couldn't bare the thought of James looking and waiting for his daddy as he had done countless times throughout his youth. He couldn't bare the thought that every single one of them would be better off without him in the long run. He couldn't bare the thought that no matter where he went or who he was involved with, devastation followed behind him like a tsunami. He couldn't bare the thought of waking up tomorrow morning and being Harry Potter for one more fucking day.

 

The rage burned inside him and lashed out at the mirror in the hallway. Blood trickled down the shattered glass and the swollen fist that delivered the blow. A bloody hand ran through wild hair and a cry echoed in the night. When would it end? The voices hissed inside a vulnerable mind as the world moved on blissfully unaware. He knew what he had to do. What he should have done long ago.

 

For the first time in weeks, Harry felt nerve calm. His hands did not shake and his mind was cool, calm and collected. The trail of devastation led all the way back to his infancy. Had he not been born, his parents would be alive. Had he not been born, countless others would be alive and well. Had he not been born, the world would have been a better place: that much he was sure of.

 

During the initial year after the war, a crazed “fan” had posted a parcel which contained a note and a vial. The note explained that Harry's life purpose, in this person’s opinion, had been fulfilled and that within the vial was an exit from this life peacefully should he need it. At the time, Harry had scoffed and hidden the potion deep within Grimmauld Place so that it would not fall into the wrong hands whilst he was studying it. Throughout his adolescence, he'd acquired a morbid curiosity and all things dark fascinated him but he reckoned that was due to having a piece of one of the darkest people to have walked this earth's soul inside him for years. Once he had researched and studied the vial as much as possible, he had kept it hidden still - too fascinated to dispose of it properly.

 

He made his way to the basement, smearing his bloody knuckles across the furthest wall. The bricks caved in on themselves as soon as his blood made contact and a small, dingy room appeared. Smirking, he considered the likeness between himself and Tom Riddle; two sides of the same coin, one and the same. Snatching the vial, he made his way back upstairs, concealing the room which contained most of his dangerous projects and fascinations.

 

Halting in the hallway, he studied his face for the last time, more specifically his scar. The beginning of the end. His concentration turned to the vial inside the tattered brown wrappings. A potion of the brightest blue glowed in the vial. One sip. One sip is all that it would take. Gone. Forever. No more hurt or pain or wasting oxygen. His hand reached for it as the gruesome reflection in the broken mirror glared back. The mirror reflected the soul within. Broken. Wasted. Irreparable. With one last sweeping glance of Grimmauld place and a hysteria fuelled cackle, the vial stopper dropped to floor and lush scents of peace invaded snot filled nostrils. Tears escaped focused eyes once more but this time, he was not crying in pain but in relief and a faint knocking was ignored in the distance. The sound of the key in the door was the last thing heard as finally, peace was restored as Harry drifted into the night.

 

“ _I'm yours D.”_

 

His last thoughts unspoken.

 

**THE END.**


End file.
